


for when you go under

by spills



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mind Meld, Not too violent though, violence happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:28:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26809627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spills/pseuds/spills
Summary: If Shinsuke had to be honest, he wasn’t expecting to be paired up so soon upon arriving at his new post. He was supposed to be a back-up pilot, but an instructor for new trainees first and foremost. From all that he could have inferred though, the pilot he’s being paired up with is supposed to be a young veteran after a recent tragedy.
Relationships: Kita Shinsuke/Komori Motoya
Comments: 14
Kudos: 29





	for when you go under

**Author's Note:**

> / blows a kiss to the sky  
> to everyone that enabled komokita and all my shenanigans

“He’s a good kid, alright?” the other man had scratched the back of his head, “been through a bit, but doesn’t let it show,” giving a little sigh. 

If Shinsuke had to be honest, he wasn’t expecting to be paired up so soon upon arriving at his new post. He was supposed to be a back-up pilot, but an instructor for new trainees first and foremost. From all that he could have inferred though, the pilot he’s being paired up with is supposed to be a young veteran after a recent tragedy. 

Graciously, he was given Komori Motoya’s file detailing some personal information, but was left at that only. Courtesy like this isn’t common, especially when being in drift stripped both parties of any privacy - privacy doesn’t exist the moment the neural handshake is established. Shinsuke’s been called a _solid, good handshake_ in the past, the type of handshake that’s a good first, because Shinsuke isn’t the type to chase the R.A.B.I.T, dragging trainees out from their past before any neural scarring can happen. 

To Iizuna, Shinsuke merely nods politely as they reach the kwoon combat room, aware that the other man is the one who suggested him as a partner candidate in the first place. The choice had seemed odd to him at the time, especially since he had caught wind that it had only been three months since Komori had insisted he was good to return. 

At least, that was what he was told. The picture of the young man he had held in his hands had bright eyes and a determined smile. He wonders if the man he'll be meeting today is still capable of making such an expression. 

Iizuna raises his pass for the two of them to gain entry into the combat room. A quick glance to take stock of the surroundings - the room bein empty, save for the one man doing stretches centre of the floor. 

Shinsuke wonders if this is on purpose. Normally, cadets were encouraged to watch partners train, a reference point for what balance two individuals looked like. Privacy wasn't something doled out so easily, not when it became a matter of life and death and _do you trust me or not?_

“Komori,” Iizuna calls out, and the man raises his head with a blink. 

Raises his hand with a little wave before getting up to grab two staves. Jogs over with them in his hands before passing Shinsuke one. Straight to business, which is something Shinsuke can appreciate, receiving it with one outstretched palm. Komori gives him a grin, cocks his head to the side while his eyes rake over Kita once over, as if assessing him. 

Also standard, he supposes. “Kita, right?” he queries, and Iizuna snorts, giving Komori a little bonk on the head. Komori gives a little whine of protest, rubbing where he was hit before giving a little laugh. 

“Swear to god you used to be more polite than this,” Iizuna mumbles with a roll of his eyes, “What if this person wasn’t Kita Shinsuke, and you’ve implicitly challenged some poor cadet to a fight?” 

“Well, if the cadet chooses to proceed with combat, that’s on them,” Komori answers jovially before turning his attention back to Shinsuke. Gives a little bow of the head, “Iizuna’s right though,” he apologizes, “I just haven’t been in the combat room with a partner for a while, so I might have gotten excited,” Komori gives a helpless shrug matched with an equally helpless smile, “They ran out of people in this Shatterdome to throw at me, so really, the fact that you’re here now?” Komori beams, “Personal life saver. I’ll be in your care today, Kita.” 

Shinsuke tests the weight of the staff in his hands, and finds it well balanced before fixing Komori an appraising look, and speaks. “Before we spar, don’t ya think it would courteous if ya introduced yerself to me first?” points his staff in Komori’s direction, tilts his chin upwards. Formality for formality’s sake - it shouldn’t be necessary since he already knows the bare bones of the other man, but it earns another warm laugh from Komori. 

“Right, right,” Komori holds one hand up in surrender with a crooked grin, “Sorry ‘bout that. The name’s Komori Motoya, been on duty for 3 years now, had a little break for about… 3 months I think? Anyway,” Komori gives a wink, “I heard from Iizuna that you were meant to be one of the martial arts instructors, so don't kick my ass too hard.” 

“Sounds like ya just need someone to yer ass into gear,” Shinsuke tilts his head in the direction of the training mats. Komori shoots him a smile, while Iizuna wears an expression akin to relief, almost gratitude. It’s a little bit… disconcerting seeing how Komori doesn’t seem to be the sort to cause trouble, headaches upon being deployed to the real deal. 

From the files, it seems like the other man has a sync rate of 92% with other potential pilots. All of it is odd, but Shinsuke doesn’t question it just yet, simply raises his staff to face the other man. 

“Are both of you ready?” Iizuna stands by the side to observe, filling in as referee as well. Shinsuke gives a nod while Komori makes a little sound of affirmation. “Good, then feel free to go at each other, and remember to don’t hold back,” Iizuna reminds them, indicating the start of the match. 

“Best out of three?” Komori suggests. 

“Best out of three,” Shinsuke agrees. 

* * *

The first round starts like this; two men circling around each other, staves held in front of them. Kita holds his with two hands, one a little above, the other hand a little lower - the way one would hold a polearm. Komori holds it the same way, and they circle each other the way predators do, as if making a stake on their territory.

“I’m guessing you’re the type to wait, Kita?” Komori notes idly, seeing as they’ve made their rounds at least thrice now, “Defense is the best offense type of guy. Let the other person make the first move just to watch them mess up?” 

Kita schools his face into an impassive expression, letting Komori’s observation roll off his back without any indication of confirmation or denial. “Why don’t you find out?” poses the question flatly, since if Komori wanted to get to know him, the combat room was designed to allow this conversation to happen through actions, not words. 

“Well, one of us has to make the first move,” Komori hums, before shifting his entire stance, no longer holding the staff with both hands. One foot back, and one hand holding the bottom of the hilt the way a man would hold a sword, Komori lunges at him with no warning. 

His first strike sweeps to Kita’s side to which Kita blocks with a swift turn of his body, wood meeting wood in a dull thud. The force the other man had used was anything but light, letting out a low whistle while keeping the pressure there. “Usually I try not to jump the gun,” keeping his gaze even with Kita’s, “but you’re the type to wait out a storm, aren’t you?” and Kita thinks he can hear something implicit in the question - sounding like _some storms could last forever_. 

“Stop asking questions, and get on with the conversation Komori,” a command as Kita breaks them out of their deadlock, and decides to keep the pace easy first. The type of strikes used during cadet practices, which Komori meets easily. The other man not using too much force, or speed to deflect Kita’s strikes, as if catching on to what Kita had intended. 

Only, he doesn’t see this coming - Kita suddenly lunging forward, a mimicry of Komori’s first move, that tips the other man off-balance. It’s natural really, when it comes to extra force offered by the body, two hands would be able to make more use of a full-bodied wooden staff, compared to wielding it like a one-handed sword. 

Komori ends up falling backwards because of his own weight, not putting too much of a fight as he falls. Rolls back up with a grin, eyes that glimmer with a different kind of joy, less calculated, a little bit more carefree now. It’s a funny look, as the other man is on his knees, the staff an inch away from his forehead. 

It’s a good look, seeing how there’s proper fire in the other man’s gaze. 

“I thought we were just having small talk,” Komori returns to his starting position, this time both hands gripping his staff firmly, “I wasn’t expecting you to raise your voice like that, Kita.” 

“Maybe you just need to be a little bit more on guard,” Kita replies simply, “You never know when the topic might change, Komori.” He’s getting used to the taste of the other man’s name on his tongue. Potential partner that may or may not happen, Kita’s getting the feeling that he’s probably going to be seeing the other man a lot more after today. 

“Oh? I didn’t mean to bore you,” the other man flashes him a grin that’s more teeth, “One to zero. I’ll be taking this round now, thanks.” 

“Don’t get too confident now.” 

* * *

Komori wins round two, true to his word. His ‘small talk’ becomes proper conversation, and Kita finds himself miscalculating a step too soon, underestimating the extent of Komori’s reach, tripping over Komori’s staff, unable to react in time to perform a dodge roll as Komori’s staff is between his eyes. 

Again, the other man is beaming as he has a hand outstretched to help Kita up, but he doesn’t miss how Komori’s grip around his weapon has loosened yet. He answers the challenge posed implicitly, after all he didn’t get here by playing nice all the time either. 

A low sweep at the other man’s ankles, which Komori hops over, as if he had seen that coming. “Feisty,” he chuckles, clearly enjoying himself, “Want to make it quick, Kita? I want to get to know you better outside of here.” In the background, Kita thinks he can hear Iizuna lament something about inappropriate conduct, and _Komori when will you learn to shut up?_

It’s fun, not that Kita would admit that out loud just yet - since fun shouldn’t be the priority here, but conversation flows easy with Komori. Gears clicking into place, and the little _ah_ moment arrives. Komori Motoya and his sync rates, getting the other party comfortable enough that they just simply fall into tune. Nothing about him is scary, appears scary - easy to let the guard down around. 

**So why are they having so much trouble finding him a partner?**

Kita can feel his brows knit as he observes the other man, notes how his tongue pokes out his mouth, licking his bottom lip - clearly anticipating what Kita’s next move might be. 

This time, Kita strikes first - catching Komori off-guard, watches how the other man’s pupils dilate, mouth turning up into a sharper grin that shows teeth. His expression a little savage, and Kita meets him with a strike to match such savagery. 

He focuses on pulling Komori into his pace this time around, making sure that the other man doesn’t even have time to speak. If Komori wants to make it quick, then Kita supposes he can meet the request. 

Despite the pace that they’re going at, Komori doesn’t appear to be overwhelmed at all, meeting Kita blow for blow, all his intention focused on him. Maybe it’s true, the fastest way to get to know another well is in combat, as again, despite Komori’s friendly nature, it’s clear that he isn’t here to fool around either. 

_Make it quick_. Kita considers those words again, considers how Komori had taken him down in their previous round. Remembering the other man’s movements, Kita ducks underneath the other man’s swing of the staff, once again borrowing gravity to use Komori’s against him.

Komori doesn’t fall for the same trick twice though, recovering faster to parry Kita’s blow from behind. Wood skidding down wood, Kita steps back again, making three strikes in succession, and dodges the sweep Komori does in retaliation.

Lets the other man into his space, up close and personal, too close really, and the moment Komori seems to realize that, it’s too late, as Kita takes advantage of his smaller stature to neatly hook his foot around the back of Komori’s shin. 

A vicious tug, and Kita drags the other man back down to earth with him. 

The ranger hits the mat with a dull thud, giving a small groan followed by another laugh when he realizes that Kita’s staff is underneath his chin. Raises his head to meet Kita’s eyes, Komori’s gaze full of awe, but his voice is quiet, wistful even when all he has to comment is: 

“You _could_ be perfect.” 

Iizuna doesn’t seem to have caught what Komori has said, calling the match over. For courtesy’s sake, Kita helps Komori help, makes no comment of the words that just slipped the other man’s mouth. Komori doesn’t elaborate either, and Kita wonders for the briefest moment if he had imagined the other man’s statement.

* * *

_(“Hey Kiyoomi, I think I might have found myself a new partner today. Name’s Kita Shinsuke. He was supposed to be a martial arts instructor, but I might have accidentally roped him into the Big Bad Robot fights.”_

_“...”_

_“He came all the way from Japan to this Shatterdome. It’s been a while since we last visited Tokyo. Maybe we should find some time to visit in the future.”)_

* * *

Outside of the mandated 14 hours of mixed martial arts and training, Komori is hard to find. Occasionally, he’s in the dining halls, laughing along with other rangers. Sometimes he’s chatting up cadets, giving advice in regards to forms. Other times, it’s almost impossible to figure out where he could be. Iizuna appears to be the designated Komori handler, kindly giving Shinsuke an idea of where he might be. 

“Probably in his room taking a nap,” Iizuna hums, tapping short nails against the linoleum canteen counter, till the sound comes to a stop, and Shinsuke looks up from his food to look at the other man. There’s a furrow between his brows, a moment’s hesitation - opens his mouth only to close it. 

Shinsuke can’t help but frown at that, being the straightforward sort himself. Sets down his cutlery to meet the other man’s eyes. Tears the bandaid off when he queries, “Is something the matter Iizuna?” 

Iizuna only offers a sheepish smile in return. “Not… exactly?” takes a sip of water before giving a sigh, “You and Komori are going to be having your first attempt at a neural handshake tomorrow, right?” 

Shinsuke nods in response, the practice run scheduled at 8AM in the morning, “How is that related to what we are discussing?” 

The other ranger winces at the question, “It’s kind of why we haven’t been able to pair up Komori with someone else,” and he takes another sip of water. Shinsuke can feel his own brows creasing. Again, if ensuring the survival of the human is based on trust and understanding one another, he doesn’t see the point in pussyfooting around “open secrets” or whatever the condition of Komori Motoya is supposed to be. 

“It’s easy to drift with him, like shockingly easy,” Iizuna returns to tapping his fingers against the tabletop, relieving nervous energy from his fingertips, “But it’s difficult for him to drift with others.” 

“92% though?” Shinsuke cocks his head to the side, as that statement doesn’t match up recorded data unless… it was omitted on purpose, “The neural handshake requires both parties to not reject one another, otherwise it wouldn’t be able to happen in the first place.” It doesn’t make sense. 

A pained smile on Iizuna’s face. “That’s kind of the problem, Komori doesn’t reject the other person until he’s out of the cockpit,” the exhale from Iizuna sounds anxious, before he continues his explanation. “We really thought that I would have been able to partner up with Komori, since-” 

“Geez!” the sound of jolly laughter from the head of the table, causing Iizuna to flinch before he can finish his sentence, "It's rude to talk about someone when they aren't there," waggling a finger with a playful grin. Shame, Shinsuke was hoping to get to the bottom of the mystery of Komori Motoya. A sigh escapes his mouth; resigns himself to find out tomorrow. 

Iizuna flips the bird at Komori, "I was telling Kita how much of a problem child you were." 

Komori sticks his tongue out at Iizuna - proving himself to be a problem child. "I'm a problem child but you adore me anyway." 

"Handful," Iizuna mutters under his breath, exasperated.

"Two handfuls for you," Komori winks with a smile flashing teeth. Slides into the seat beside Shinsuke, pops a grape into his mouth. 

Chews. Swallows. Speaks. 

Komori flutters his eyelashes in Shinsuke's direction. "I didn't expect you to be the type to engage in old lady gossip," swatting at the wadded up napkin Iizuna tosses at him with a giggle. 

"I'm not," Shinsuke answers easily, "It's just been hard to find you during our breaks." Levels his gaze even with Komori's baby blue eyed stare. "You were the one who suggested for the two of us to become more well acquainted with each other," Shinsuke raises a single brow. 

  
"Thought all our conversations had a better flow in the combat room," Komori hums. Shinsuke blinks, expecting more argument from the other ranger. Instead, all he sees is a darker gleam in Komori's eyes. "Don't worry about it though, Kita," Komori dismisses with a sideways smile, "You'll get VIP access to _this_ brain tomorrow," gesturing at his temple.

* * *

_(“...”_

_“...”_

_“I’m kind of scared of getting into the cockpit with someone new again. Kita’s probably my last chance getting into a Jaeger. If it happens, well. It happens. But… I have a good feeling about him. He’s grounded, reliable. You would like him too. Tolerate him more than you tolerated me on the constant.”)_

* * *

"Feeling nervous, Kita?" There's a twinkle in Komori's eye, reflected underneath the eye guard of their helmet. 

The countdown sounds around them, from twenty, nineteen… and so on. Shinsuke flicks his gaze over to his co-pilot, gauging the other man's state of being. LOCCENT mission control is telling them to prepare for the drop, and Shinsuke watches his heart rate on the screen in front of him. His pulse is steady, so no, he doesn't think he's nervous. He's done this before with countless others, so Komori shouldn't be any different from the previous partners he's drifted with before. 

"I'm not," Shinsuke answers after a moment's deliberation, "Are ya?" 

"I am," Komori laughs, as the countdown is nearing to **one** , "But I want to make it work with you." 

"Feeling's mutual." 

The drop happens, both of them plunged into an ocean of similar sensation.

* * *

**It's said that the drop feels different for everyone, being allowed entry into another's mind - privy to memories and thoughts.**

Childhood youth flits by on the back of Shinsuke's eyelids - on his knees as his grandmother teaches him how to wrung a filthy rag dry (two boys meeting for the first time, properly, no longer a stolen glance in the highways.) Teenage years swallowing them both whole - Kiyoomi hunching his bigger body over Motoya’s as the convenience store roof collapses, two teens wedged between shelves (His grandmother being forced to relocate to Tokyo, promises Shinsuke that healthcare will be more than adequate.) Years spent as a young adult fleeting, there’s no time to be _young_ when there’s an existential threat looming in the deep blue. 

Mid-20s, and that’s when **loss** hits in earnest. 

You're holding your grandmother’s hand as she takes her last breaths. Peaceful slumber, natural occurrence of old age should be a blessing compared to extraordinary disaster.

_You’re dragging your cousin’s body out of the sea. It’s a miracle that you’re both alive, but he’s barely breathing, pulse weak. There’s no more strength in your limbs, trying to carry your own weight and his weight. Maybe you’ll drown together._

In her final moments, nothing is said, except for the serene smile on her lips, her eyes shut the entire time. Your hand tightens around her’s as her fingers become slack in your grip. It’s only when the doctors declare her passing you allow yourself to cry. Quiet, like everything your grandmother has done for you - a woman of action.

_You woke up first. Also alone, left desolate by your cousin who refuses to wake up. The doctors told you not to harbour hope. You promised him you’d go down together. He’s not dead, but you’re wondering if he’d be better off dead, instead stuck in a bed, this limbo of consciousness while you chatter to a comatose man - no longer expecting a reply. Instead, you carry out his rituals for him._

**You are harbouring hope for a world where blue horizons don’t signify danger.**

* * *

“Neural handshake: successful,” that’s Iizuna’s voice from LOCCENT mission control, “how are both of you feeling?”

“Fine.”

“Pretty good!” 

“Good,” Iizuna answers, though there’s a hint of wariness in his voice, “Valor Julai running smooth from home base, ready to give her a quick spin?” 

**“It’s now or never.”**

* * *

The plugsuit fits him like a second skin, Julai imitating each of his actions, such as the curl of his fingers, which Motoya imitates too. Two brains to make a single brain, belonging to this behemoth of steel, man-made valkyrie to deliver retribution upon the kaiju. 

Two men coordinated perfectly, even if there’s the presence of another man lingering in the back of Motoya’s head. Shinsuke thinks he can almost see him, with how dark Motoya’s eyes are now. A shadow that’s much taller than either of them, and Shinsuke sees him in Motoya’s memories, how he used to stand beside Motoya where Shinsuke currently is. 

Shinsuke isn't a replacement for Kiyoomi, because Motoya has made space for him, has been preparing for Shinsuke to take residency in his head. Still it was already difficult to wedge two teenage boys in the gaps between fallen shelves, to make room for another is a tight squeeze. 

A little bit of readjustment, and Shinsuke thinks he can hear the rustling of the paddyfields he used to pass by as a child. The ebb and flow of waves crashing against the shore, against rocks. A pebble dropped into a pond, causing ripples before the surface stills. 

Valor Julai taking off in a sprint and the cheers from mission control can be heard. 

Shinsuke can’t help but wonder if they’re all celebrating too early just yet. There’s still a chance this could turn out futile. The real challenge happens when the two of them are out of the drift, out of each other’s heads. 

**_“Calm down. You’re getting too excited.”_ **

Shinsuke blinks upon hearing the unfamiliar voice, deep and _definitely not_ Motoya. Turns to look over at Motoya, Motoya who’s sporting a bright grin as his steps are perfectly in sync with Shinsuke. 

“Must have been Kiyoomi then,” a fleeting thought, and Motoya’s memories of the other man almost makes him feel akin to an old friend.

Valor Julai running, running, running in an oval designed to set all these Jaegers into motion. Her steps are light - as if gliding on ice. It’s been a while since she’s ran this fast under the sun. 

As they go through the exercises, no words are necessary as they run through each exercise, adjust armaments. No words are necessary, because Motoya’s an overflow of feelings sinking into the ground. 

Shinsuke wonders when did a smile appear on his face as they return Julai back to her station. His own lips are tugged upwards by the boyish joy Motoya has been radiating the entire run. It feels like freedom, and Shinsuke didn’t believe in joy being infectious until now.

* * *

When the two of them are released from the headspace shared, Shinsuke finds himself a little lost - as if the loss of Motoya has left him without half of his body. Shinsuke turns his head in the direction of the other man, aware that this moment is do or die. 

(If Shinsuke found himself already unbalanced without the other man - he can only imagine how uneven Motoya was without Kiyoomi. A chunk of yourself gone, unable to be redeemed. Shinsuke catches his mind wandering to the dark-haired man in a sickbed. Room number 1015.) 

Motoya takes tentative steps from the stairs, and Shinsuke finds himself holding his breath. Sees Iizuna at the bottom of the steps, looking wary, maybe even a little fearful. There’s hope in his eyes though, and it’s rewarded, when Motoya recklessly stumbles down the stairs just to give him a hug, wraps his arms around his senior. 

Iizuna, with tears in his eyes, returns the hug. It’s no secret that Iizuna has been harbouring hope for Motoya to be able to pilot again. “Should we call the EMTs?” Iizuna queries after he straightens up the other man. Motoya answers with the shake of his head, beam on his face. 

“Nope! I think I’ll be fine. But,” and Motoya turns his head in Shinsuke’s direction, letting go of Iizuna to stand before his co-pilot, “Kita? How are you feeling after running with Julai?” 

“I’m alright,” Shinsuke reaches out to take hold of Motoya’s hand, “And you?” 

“A little tired,” Motoya admits sheepishly, “But. It’s good. My head is pounding so… after the debrief, mind walking me back to my room? Just in case.” 

(Just in case he collapses. But he hasn’t collapsed yet. Just like all those previous times with other co-pilots. Hopefuls in the past. Motoya is hopeful to stay with Shinsuke.)

“I don’t mind. I’m… looking forward to being your partner too.” It isn’t a lie, in fact, Shinsuke is surprised at his own sincerity when saying it. Not because he’s someone insincere, but because he’s surprised at how well the other man is holding up, at no point rejecting him. 

Motoya smiles at him, and lets Shinsuke lean against his shoulder when they regroup with Iizuna.

* * *

_(“Hey Kiyoomi, I think I got to properly introduce you to someone this time. Remember Kita Shinsuke? We’re… officially co-pilots now!”_

_“...’_

_“His headspace felt like standing in the middle of a field that goes on forever. I didn’t immediately black-out from leaving the drift so… there’s still hope for me to fight the good fight.”_

_“...’_

_“...”_

_“...”_

_“Just… try to wake up soon okay? I’ll do my best to keep them at bay while you rest, and maybe! They’ll be gone by the time you wake up. But… try your best to wake up soon, okay? Think of it as me making a selfish request - I… miss you a lot, Kiyoomi.”)_

* * *

There’s a bunk bed in Komori’s room. The top bunk home to a giant panda plushie and rumpled blankets. The bottom bunk untouched, the sheets pristine, and the bed is made.

At least that's what Shinsuke can tell from standing at Komori's doorway. While Shinsuke had recovered from the sudden fatigue that had washed over him, Komori struggles to stay up. It's obvious from the shift of his center of gravity, side slumped against the doorframe. 

Despite that, he beams, fingers laced together, fiddling. "So, today's drift…" his gaze downcast, before he raises it to meet Shinsuke's eyes, "Kita. Would you," Motoya swallows, "want to make this partnership official?" 

Shinsuke tilts his head to the side, finds himself somewhat endeared by how nervous the other man is. He can't help the curl of his lips when he offers his answer: 

"Of course. My only condition though, ya call me _Shinsuke,_ and I'll call ya _Motoya."_

* * *

_("He agreed! I'd say I'm in pretty good hands."_

_"..."_

_"..."_

_"..."_

_"You know Kiyoomi, I don't have a death wish. Sometimes I catch Iizuna looking at me as if I’m in a hurry to hell. The counsellor was asking me if I wanted to head back into Julai out of guilt but- I just want to complete what we started. You would approve of that, wouldn’t you?”)_

* * *

Being given implicit permission to find Motoya has made looking for the other man a lot simpler. 

Shinsuke tends to knock on Motoya’s door around evening, making sure the other man hasn’t overslept from noon into the early night. A reset for the head when Motoya catches himself slipping into being 0.5 of someone else. 

Two firm knocks, but there’s no answer. 

Worry flits through Shinsuke briefly, as Motoya would respond. By now, Shinsuke would be hearing Motoya’s footsteps from the other side of the door. Right now, the other man would be greeting Shinsuke with silly little questions such as “Aw Shinsuke, were you missing me already?” as Shinsuke would fix him with a dead-eyed stare. Motoya would then proceed to cackle gracelessly, fondly. 

**1015.**

Shinsuke blinks. Then makes his way towards the medical bay.

* * *

His hunch proves to be correct when he sees Motoya with his back hunched over a bed. The room is a little cold, and Motoya is dressed in nothing but a short-sleeved t-shirt. 

Shinsuke leaves the room before he even enters it, borrowing a blanket from one of the nurses before returning to 1015. 

Instead of two men in sleep, Shinsuke thinks he sees two boys. Positions reversed. 

He’s unable to tell if that flash belonged to Motoya or Kiyoomi. Not that it matters, draping the blanket over Motoya. Kiyoomi’s bedside table has a hand folded paper trash can, in it are mandarin peels. 

Despite knowing what Kiyoomi looks like from their memories, seeing him in person still catches Shinsuke off-guard. Two symmetrical moles above his right brow, wavy hair dark as obsidian, it’s no wonder others would have trouble believing him and Motoya were cousins if they were to make judgements based on physical appearance alone. 

His heart rate is an even sound from the monitor keeping track of it beside him. Shinsuke pays his respects to the other man quietly - nothing needs to be said.

He takes his leave shortly afterwards.

* * *

(“...?”

“...”

“A blanket? Kiyoomi, don’t tell me you just woke up to tell me I’m terrible at taking care of myself.”

“...”

“Haha, just kidding! It was probably Shinsuke… See? I told you I was in good hands.”)

* * *

Motoya and Shinsuke don’t talk about the things they see in the other heads. No judgement or acknowledgement when they leave the drift. Not even two days later after Shinsuke had sought out his co-pilot in room 1015, and Motoya had sought out his co-pilot in his bedroom. 

Midday afternoon, and there’s a gentle knock on Shinsuke’s door. Shinsuke opens the door to be greeted by a Motoya that’s looking a little worse for wear, but still wearing a strained smile.

“Hey Shinsuke. Sorry- I just,” Motoya starts but doesn’t get to finish as Shinsuke turns his back to him, picking his half-read book up from his desk. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Shinsuke takes a seat on his bed, pats the empty space beside him. Invitation that Motoya takes, an extra weight on his mattress. 

A welcome weight. He turns his head to face Motoya, “Do ya mind if I continue reading?” 

Motoya shakes his head. “No, though do you mind if I… lean on you?” and his voice is small, quiet, and hesitant. None of his usual bravado, and Shinsuke can’t help the sigh that leaves his throat in an exhale. Despite Motoya being a little taller, a little bigger than him, Shinsuke thinks he could be the right size for the other man to curl into, if Motoya would allow himself small comforts. 

So Shinsuke helps him take the first step. Gently guides Motoya’s head to his shoulder, pats his hair, and simply permits, “Stay there as long as ya need.”

The slightest movement of lashes against his sleeve, and when Shinsuke starts feeling the fabric go damp - they don’t talk about that either. Motoya falls asleep soon enough anyway. 

* * *

_(“I’ve been thinking about this recently Kiyoomi - would you be mad if I invited Shinsuke to our room? Since I’ve been on the top bunk for a while, and the bottom one has been empty for a while. Space is scarce but... “_

_“...”_

_“He has a bedroom all to himself, so maybe he prefers that kind of privacy?”_

_“...”_

_“I’ll probably ask him tomorrow. If I’m lucky, he’ll think of it as a joke. I just- really need these thoughts off my chest.”)_

* * *

“Do you want to move into my room?” Motoya blurts out one day after training. 

It’s a suggestion that’s sudden, but Shinsuke finds himself not entirely surprised. It’s typical for co-pilots to share bedrooms, though, he supposes him and Motoya are a little late on the update. Motoya previously being unable to find a partner, and Shinsuke himself having just arrived here two months ago. 

“How about you move to mine?” Kita finds himself offering instead, “You used to share it with Kiyoomi before.” 

A moment’s hesitation, and Motoya smiles weakly. “There’s only one bed in your room.” 

To that, Shinsuke shrugs, because it won’t be the first time that they’re going to be sharing a bed - if the move happens, then it’s simply a case of making their cohabitation official. He appreciates Motoya thinking about his personal space though. 

“Ya have nightmares,” that’s a fact. Shinsuke is also aware that Motoya tends to have them less when sharing a room with someone else. Expression peaceful in his sleep when he has an arm draped around Shinsuke’s waist. 

It’s a better look compared to the evening Shinsuke had found Motoya in Room 1015. Back bent over, cold sweat glistening on his face, dotted brows appearing even smaller all scrunched up. 

“We can share. I really don’t mind,” Shinsuke looks up at his co-pilot, making his intent clear. Motoya’s helpless against him, rubs the back of his head before giving a little laugh, as if unsure what to do with himself. 

It’s not a big move - just Motoya bringing some of his casual clothes and belongings into Shinsuke’s room. Anything else that’s a necessity, they’ll take care of it later.

* * *

(“Okay, so. I ended up moving into his room instead. Your things are still where you left them.”

“...” 

“Look, I know you said I always got attached to others too quickly but- yeah. Shinsuke? He’s pretty amazing. Wake up already Kiyoomi, I want you to meet him.”)

* * *

The breach that happens is inevitable. 

A Category 4, fitting for alarms that sound at 4am in the morning. Blaring loud and angry, the hallways tinged in red.

Motoya wakes up immediately, tossing Shinsuke his uniform as the two of them get dressed. Their room is doused in red, and so is Motoya’s skin. The way his fingers work are deft as he strips himself from his t-shirt, pulling up his jumpsuit, all zipped-up and snug. It’s routine that doesn’t really qualify as routine, but from the familiarity of being summoned to do what needs to be done. 

The walk to Julai is brisk, and not a word is exchanged between her co-pilots till they’re with the engineers, technicians, and Marshal who’s giving them a debriefing. Iizuna is there to see the two of them off in person. The other man gives them both a clap on the back, tells them to come back, if not in one piece, or safe, just make sure to come back. 

Motoya gives Iizuna a wry look before giving him a punch in the shoulder, laughs, and tells him to not be a sap. Shinsuke gives his thanks, aware that he couldn’t have acclimated to this Shatterdome as easily without the other man to guide him around. 

Everything that happens till their inside Julai’s head is a blur, the Marshal’s voice can be heard from LOCCENT mission control. 

“Valor Julai. Your target is Radius, Category 4 - tail has been identified as the primary weapon. Ready to be deployed?” 

**“Ready.”**

It’s standard, all these rituals have been done before. The drift has now become a second home, and Motoya shoots him a beam, eyes bright. As Julai’s head drops onto her body, he hears a thought: 

_“I’ll protect you.”_

* * *

At some point in the middle of monster slaying, Motoya has teeth gritted together when he makes an idle comment on how Category 3 beasts didn’t put up as much of a fight. All his strength is put into holding Radius’ tail at bay. There’s a wicked tip at the tip of it. 

Shinsuke is sweating bullets as Julai’s claws are dug into Radius’ side, kaiju blue dousing the sea radioactive as the sun is rising in the distance. The roar and screeches Radius makes is a terrible sound, and Motoya - who’s usually all good cheer and grins, growls in equal ferocity. 

“Fuck,” Shinsuke isn’t one to curse all that much, but Radius is still putting up a good fight, tail whipping around and Motoya is doing everything he can to stop the accursed beast from drilling its tail into Julai’s head. There’s no time to get impatient now, so Shinsuke gets Julai to knee Radius in the gut, catch the beast off-guard as they tumble into the sea. 

Making waves, electric blue water splattering everywhere. It’s terrible, their move was a risk, the sun is still rising in the distance. Motoya has successfully gotten Julai’s claws in Radius’ tail, pinning the kaiju down to the ocean bed. Water is shallow under the weight of two giants. 

Radius has its jaw open, and Shinsuke takes that opportunity to shove Julai’s claws into Radius’ maw. Kaiju blue corroding the metal but it’s worth it as the missiles located in Julai’s knuckles are unleashed. It’s a graceless death for Radius, after what was a graceless brawl. 

Still, the beast no longer moves, carcass bubbling on the ocean foam. Shinsuke turns to look at Motoya, watches the relief that washes over the other man’s face. 

A thought flits by in Shinsuke’s head: 

“I love you.” 

There’s no chance for Shinsuke to hear Motoya’s reaction to that, as the other man proceeds to pass out, all plugged up. Shinsuke isn’t even sure if Motoya had heard him at all, but that doesn’t matter now, because he’s reporting their status to mission control and he’s doing everything he can to not panic, somehow managing to catch Motoya before he hit ground. 

They’re both battered and bruised, and Shinsuke only hopes that they will remain only battered and bruised.

* * *

“Fuck, have you heard about Valor Julai?” 

“Thought she was out of commission after Sakusa fell into a coma though? And wasn’t Komori unable to pair up with someone new?” 

“Shit, you’re really out of the loop huh? Who do you think took out that Category 4 yesterday. Anyway. Heard that Komori is also in 1015, something about the strain on his brain being a lot from all those past failures.” 

“Fuck.” 

“Yeah. Apparently his new partner has been by his side the entire time. When the medics had arrived on scene, that was as loud as Kita had ever been according to one of pals.” 

“...think Komori is going to be okay though?” 

“Not sure about that, but if Komori ends up like Sakusa, you know Iizuna is going to be blaming himself. All three of them were in the same cohort.” 

“Fuck, that’s real rough. I hope Komori’s new partner is handling this better than Komori when Sakusa didn’t wake up.”

* * *

**_“Shinsuke. Hey Shinsuke. That’s your name right? Wake up.”_ **

An unfamiliar voice calls out to Shinsuke - one he has only heard in his dreams, in drift. He blinks blearily, looking across the room, over Motoya’s sleeping figure to see an empty bed by the window. 

“...” silence is all he can offer, before looking up at the other man. 

He’s even taller in person. His pupils absolutely devoid of light as he gazes down at Motoya. Sets his crutches aside to take a seat beside Shinsuke. 

“Kiyoomi?” the name is unfamiliar to Shinsuke, and he can’t help but be a little bit wary. Just because you knew someone from another’s memories, didn’t mean you actually know them. Kiyoomi, from what he remembered, was someone who appreciated clear-cut boundaries. 

**_“Yeah. That’s me.”_ **

Kiyoomi exhales, glancing over to Shinsuke’s hand which has fingers laced with Motoya’s. The silence in the air is heavy, full of weight before Kiyoomi breaks it. 

**_“How long has he been asleep?”_ **

“3 days. When did you wake up?” Kiyoomi shrugs in response.

**_“I’m still out of it, I’ll ask for the details later but…”_ **

His dark gaze on Motoya’s face again. 

**_“Think Motoya will be waking up any time soon?”_ **

Shinsuke squeezes Motoya’s hand in response. Hears the beeping from the monitor in 1015 that reminds him that Motoya is still alive, so no hope needs to be lost yet. Not when his cousin who’s been in what appeared to be an endless coma has appeared to have woken up. 

“Yeah. I think so.” 

**Author's Note:**

> share ur thoughts w me @ [ twitter!! ](https://twitter.com/rinrintoya)  
> 


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